Melbourne I love you but Brunswick street is not cool, so shut up.

Brunswick street is not cool. So Shut up. The Night Cat is not cool. So Shut up. House Tequila tastes like shit. So shut up. Phat is too expensive. Savers is a co-orporation. Situations are only awkward because your being awkward. So shut up or stop being awkward. Weird is good, not weird. So shut up about shit being weird; that's what makes it so good. Music in melbourne has no balls. So shut up or grow some. Seahorses are the only males in the animal kingdom that become pregnant. NOT frogs for fuck sake. Lemon should not come with fish. So stop putting it on there. Fries are the skinny chips. If the menu says fries, I expect them to be half a centimeter in diameter at their fattest. Anything else is a chip. Drive through fish and chips is a good idea. Some one do it. Lygon street shopping district is expensive. So don't go there. Fruit and Veg shops are cheaper than supermarkets. So shut up and stop being lazy. If you are over 25, baseball caps are no longer allowed to be an item in your wardrobe. and if your over 40, that, is not even up for discussion. Cd's suck. Vinyls are and always will be better. Even though they are trendy, they are and always will be better. Don't judge a person on their cd collection alone; find out if they have had a good enough income in the past 3 years to suppport cd gain. If so, judge away. If not, give them a cd. If you like a band, please dance. But do not make a point of dancing so obscurely, just to make a point. We've got the point. You can't be feeling the music so much that it throws your body aggressively around the room, and blinds you so that you accidently bump into everyone else in the croud. And who does the fishing dance these days? But you were just feeling it weren't you. You were weren't you. You didn't even notice that the small child you've been so eagerly obsessed with teaching high fives to whilst flailing your limbs in time to the bongo blues, is not even liking the fact that you keep making gaga eyes at him teamed with a high five'esque "I'm gonna kill your teddy's while you sleep" kind of smile. He's a small child for god's sake. But hey, thank god he's learned to recognise douchebags like you at an early age. Maybe I should take you to all the primary schools around Melbourne. I'll bring the bongos and I'll introduce you as Stan, and then I'll start playing. No doubt you'll select the first kid who accidentally looks at you a little to long. And we're away. Saving Melbourne together Stan. Is that what you want Stan? Is that what you want?